


Be Yourself

by lovejinson, wxnuwu



Category: GOT7
Genre: Cute, Falling In Love, Freedom Fighters, Gay, Harassment, Homophobia, Insecurity, M/M, Racism, Shyness, Swearing, University, be yourself, loveyourself, somethingabtboomers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:53:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26069020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovejinson/pseuds/lovejinson, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wxnuwu/pseuds/wxnuwu
Summary: A short story about 2 men who have to stand up for their sexuality and get in touch.Or - Youngjae, who has a crush on the quiet boy in the library.
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	Be Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody! 
> 
> I'm back, this time with a 2jae OS.  
>  It feels like I haven't posted in years.  
> A big thanks to defsprince for correcting my grammar <3
> 
> I hope you'll like it.

Youngjae has always been the quiet type.

Well, he was loud and hyperactive when he was out with his few friends but other than that he tended to be very reserved. He liked to be alone, to have no one around. It was probably because he never really  _ had _ many friends or a big family or any great social environment really. And as a result he had learnt to be alone. In the beginning it was hard - over and over again he had asked himself...  _ why _ . 

Why he was never surrounded by school mates. Why his family was not interested in him.

At some point - after countless sleepless nights and many tears - Youngjae realized that he needed to finally get over it, to stop the self-pitying and just, bluntly spoken, live with it. Like that, he started to focus on himself and on being happy, on doing the stuff  _ he _ liked. 

He tried to see things in a new way,  _ differently _ , and that gave him a completely new perspective. 

The boy started to look at people  _ properly _ , he looked at them and understood why they did what they did in the first place. After all the stuff he learned, he knew if people would look properly and if they wouldn’t judge people at first sight, they would understand him much better.

But he also knew that humanity didn’t work like that.

Rather than that, they would listen to things that were told by someone (who most likely had no clue what they are talking about) and form an opinion on that. That’s why people were barely taken for who they really were.

Just like him.

It’s been weeks now that Youngjae had first laid eyes on that black-haired male in the library and since then he had met him several times. Somehow he enjoyed watching the male study, pretty much out of curiosity. 

He was handsome, seemed calm and peaceful at first but Youngjae often caught him being clumsy. He had to admit though that he thought he was cute. He had quite long hair for a man, sometimes it was tied up even, which really suited him. There was this wonderful sparkle in his brown eyes every time he sat in front of his laptop looking at whatever was so fascinating to him. And every time he put on his reserved smile, Youngjae thought  _ how handsome _ he was. 

No matter where he saw the good-looking man - he wore headphones all the way and was either staring at his mobile phone or laptop. 

In Youngjae's eyes he seemed gentle, kind and friendly. He was a nice guy for sure and he wouldn't hurt anyone. But that was an opinion no one seemed to share with the young student. 

"You see that cute guy over there? The one with the black hoodie?” He heard a young girl whispering behind him. “Do you think he has a girlfriend?" 

"What? You don't know who he is?" Asked another girl, probably her friend, in a shooked voice before she continued.

"That's Jaebeom. The troublemaker."

"Who?"

"JB,” she repeated, “The one who pushed Solar into the fountain. There are rumors saying that he freaked out because she called him gay." Youngjae's hand automatically tightened into a fist and he clenched his teeth. 

He remembered that day all too well. It was friday afternoon, he had just finished his last Lesson and was about to go home when he saw this fury snap at the taller male, insulting him for not accepting her confession. She was out of her mind, blamed him for bad things he probably never did and hit his arm all the time, tugged at his clothes as if she wanted to make him come to his senses. 

She told everyone that he had pushed her but Youngjae had clearly seen that she had lost her balance and fell. It was a set-up just to cover her embarrassment. That's what it was all about, and he was the one to put the blame on. 

He really hated people like that.

"What?! That was him?” The other girl replied, her mouth agape, “I've heard about him too. Is he really gay? He doesn't look like that. That would be such a pity.” The first one giggled again and made Youngjae even more furious about her comment.

_ "He doesn't look like that.” _

_ What kind of a statement was that?! _

"Pssht! Don't be too loud or he'll hear you."

"So? If it's true I didn't say anything bad." That was the moment he couldn't control himself anymore and slammed his hands flat on the table. Scared, the two girls flinched turning their attention towards him along with the few others around them before the rather silent boy realized what he had done. Instantly he stuck his nose back into the book and tried to ignore the awkward situation. 

"Come on, let's go," he heard before they left the library with quick steps. Youngjae took an embarrassed look over the edge of his book, his gaze rushing through the big hall once when he met the boy's gaze - the boy that  _ he _ was usually staring at. 

Their eyes met and Youngjae could see a spark of interest in the other’s gaze just for him to blink it away and lower his head back to his laptop. Meanwhile Youngaje’s cheeks burned like fire behind the thick book and his eyes were still on the black-dressed man in front of him.

It was the first time they had looked at each other like that.

With bare embarrassment on his cheeks he buried his face back down into the boring pages, trying hard to calm down and taking a deep breath - once, twice - before he turned back to what he was doing until those stupid women had started talking.

A few days passed, their eyes meeting more often now which made the younger incredibly happy. But at the same time the bad comments piled up around the  _ troublemaker _ . Whenever they met he heard something new - a new assumption, a new lie, and it was getting hard to stay silent.

He simply didn't understand how all these people could judge him like that. He saw them all talking  _ about _ him but none of them talking  _ with _ him. 

How could they know that it was really true, that he really was like  _ that _ ?

Of course, Youngjae didn't know for sure as well - he could only guess but something inside him told him that they all misjudged the pretty boy. Youngjae had actually wanted to get in touch with him for a while now but his shy ass stopped him every single time. He just didn't have the guts. It wasn't like he hadn’t tried it but he had failed several times, before even standing in front of him.

The first time Youngjae tried talking to him was in the auditorium. He was alone, as always, sitting in front of his laptop and looked as focused as ever. He had already made the first few steps towards him, putting the words in his head into an usable sentence but a couple of chatting girls (talking shit about the handsome male) walked past him, a strange look giving him and took all his courage away. 

The second time was in the park. He was reading a book about philosophy while Youngjae was heading home after a lesson. The male was so surprised to see him there that he could just stand there and stare at the pretty male with the black locks and the narrowed eyes. He kept looking at him for a few more minutes, his hair being constantly twirled around by the light summer breeze but he just wouldn’t bother to move it from his face. He just ignored it as if it was a normal thing for him and read his book. 

(Which really fascinated Youngjae. He himself would have been mad about it all the way, repeatedly brushing the strands of hair out of his face but his crush didn't seem to mind at all.)

Surprisingly he wore a white shirt rather than a hoodie (like he usually did) which made Youngjae realize for the first time how well-built he really was. His cheeks turned to a rosy pink when he realized that the sweet boy had raised his head and looked at him. That's when he walked past him with huge strides.

Since he was so embarrassed about his second attempt he avoided the male for a few days and started staring at him from afar again. He knew that he was a coward, much too shy for any interaction, even though everyone told him to be more open - it just wasn’t as easy as it might have sounded to his friends, to just change and try to be a bit more outgoing. 

Jackson and Bambam had told him several times but still- he just hadn’t the guts.

_ How do you open up more often? _

_ How do you overcome your fear to do something you are afraid of? _

_ How do you become extroverted if you have been an introverted person all along?  _ (Many people didn't even know the term. How could they demand someone to change?)

"Just tell him hello,” they suggested, "Tell him you like his headphones and ask where he got them."

These were just two of their countless ideas on how he could approach him but the what-to-talk-about wasn’t his problem. Youngjae always knew what he wanted to say. The problem was _reaching_ the point where they would _actually talk_.

He was afraid that he misinterpreted all the looks this lovely boy gave him, that he might laugh at him or turn him down. He kept this point of view a secret, because he knew exactly how they would react. They would tell him that this is how everyone feels and if he rejects him he should just forget him and go for the next one.

But that wasn’t what Youngjae's mind looked like. 

He would be sad, he would feel ashamed and would question over and over again - what the fuck was wrong with him? He had enough insecurities, he didn't need creating even more.

That's why he ended up sitting there again, at that long table in the library, doing his homework while he kept looking across the room at his crush. 

His face looked lovely (as always) but he seemed different than usual. His expression looked kind of sad and it made the young boy’s mood drop as well. He would like to cheer him up and make him laugh just to make sure he had no reason to pull such a face. But he was a pussy. He preferred to  _ imagine  _ instead of  _ doing  _ something and it made him so angry.

A heavy sigh left his lips, he put his pen aside and completely focused on the black-haired. His heart started beating faster, his pulse beating hard and fast against his neck when he seriously considered getting up and walking over there where he sat. He looked around the huge room, as if he was making sure no one was looking, there were a few other students here which made the whole situation only worse.

But Youngjae  _ really  _ wanted to. 

He  _ wanted  _ to finally have the courage to say something to him. He had made his decision. He took his textbooks and pencils, shoved them into his bag and stood up, gathering all his courage and went toward the boy across the room. Sneaky as he was, he passed his way through the occupied chairs, past the dark passage of students when he heard loud laughter.

" _ Look at how pathetic he’s sitting there… I’m sure everyone is too disgusted to be with him. _ "

" _ Of course, who would want to sit next to a fag? _ "

" _ He sure will touch you and then everyone will talk about you too _ ." 

Youngjae’s heart dropped to the ground. He stopped in horror, the grip around his bag painfully tight the longer he listened to their bitching.

" _ I can't believe he's even allowed to be here _ ."

" _ It's just disgusting. I think he needs to be beaten up. _ "

" _ Yeah, maybe he'll go back to normal. _ "

How he hated that word -  _ Normal.  _ It was like a red rag for him, a line that shouldn’t get crossed, and he had reached the point where he couldn't just stay shut and listen to all this anymore. Youngjae turned around with an angry expression on his face, walked into the dark corridor and towards the group, while his heart was pounding in his chest with rage.

"Stop talking about him like that!" He hissed at them, cheeks red and angry when he got their attention. They fell silent, everyone turning to the angry looking one with an ignorant glare as the smallest of them took a step towards.

"Why? I don’t know why this would be your business? We can talk about  _ who and what _ we want."

"He hasn't done anything to you… Why do you have to talk about him like that?" Youngjae replied to him, still angry.

"He looked at us. I don't want to be stared at by a fag like him."

"Why do you even care?” Another one asked, “Are you his boyfriend?"

"Ew, there’s another one like that? That’s disgusting."

"You guys fuck? In our university? Bah!" One after another comment gushed out, in a way that was so homophobic that it made the boy feel so uncomfortable. (Youngjae had experienced homophobia towards himself already but this was a whole new level.) But he felt his stomach turn when one of them came up to him.

"Do you give him your ass? Are you only doing it for him or can everyone use you, bitch?" He roughly grabbed the hem of Youngaje’s shirt, his question embarrassed the black-haired to the bone, but he knew he couldn’t show any weakness now.

"I'm not a sex toy, you fucker! I wouldn’t even feel your two inch dick with viagra," he commented and tore himself away. While the jerk's friends in the background were only laughing, his anger only rose and it showed immediately.

With raging eyes he reached for his collar again and hit him, catching Youngjae off guard. A horrible pain pierced his face before he smashed the jerk’s hands away again and tried to defend himself when another fist hit his nose and knocked him to the ground.

"You ugly fag! Better learn where you belong, you fucking bitch," the smaller one grumbled with clenched teeth and kicked the boy on the floor a few times in the stomach before the others stopped him and left laughing.

With his eyes closed he held his stomach, a painful groan escaping him as he slowly pulled himself together and sat back up.

" _ Shit _ ..."

_ That’s what happens when I open my mouth _ , he thought. As he slowly opened his eyes again he saw blood dripping on the floor and only now he felt his lip bleeding. He wiped it with his thumb - pain - just like the rest of his face, and with every passing moment the tears crept up in his eyes, making his sight slightly blurred.

_ Why do I always have to fight? To defend who I am? For others who are like me? In the end, it was always the same. _

Youngjae quickly wiped the tears with the back of his hand, lifted his bag from the ground and went outside. The sun was just setting by that time yet it was dark enough so he couldn’t get strange stares. 

"Such an asshole," he cursed quietly and reached into his pocket for a handkerchief to wipe off the blood.

"Why do I always have to act tough?" He continued to pout and patted his swollen lip furiously. He tried to calm down, control his racing heartbeat but his thoughts wouldn't let him, the previous incidents repeating over and over again in his head and he asked himself constantly what he could have done differently.

"You're just ridiculous, Youngjae," he whispered and closed his eyes, trying to suppress his upcoming tears when he heard a voice in front of him.

"I don't think you are ridiculous" He raised his head in surprise, staring at the hand in front of him, which held out a cooling pad, before his eyes met the person's eyes. Youngjae blinked at him a few times, his voice seemed somehow lost. 

The young man in front of him obviously noticed, his expression shifting a bit, an embarrassed look in his eyes. "I-I mean, you could have just ignored it..." He tore his gaze away, brushing his hair from his face, which left Youngjae blushing a bit. 

Nervously he opened his mouth again and again, wanting to say something, but his sudden appearance had surprised him to an extent that he _ just couldn’t _ . Youngjae’s behavior probably made the older one even more uncomfortable, his cheeks turning pink before he hastily sat down next to the boy and squeezed the cooling pad into his hand.

"Put it on your cheek... It doesn't help in my hand."

"T-th… thank you…” He finally stuttered out and looked away, pressing the pad against his cheek with full force, causing a painful groan to escape. While the shorter one was struggling with his suffering a little chuckle escaped the man next to him, making Youngjae look at him again. 

It was the first time he saw him smiling. His eyes were hardly seen anymore, a lot of people would probably laugh at him and call him some terribly racist names, while Youngaje just thought that it was incredibly sweet.

He smiled a bit embarrassed and pressed the cold package against his burning skin again (more carefully this time) and looked down.

"They talk about you a lot… Bad things, disrespectful things… I couldn't take it anymore..." Youngjae quietly said after a while, lowered his gaze before he dared to take a timid look at the black-haired male again.

"I know," he answered and put on a big smile which surprised Youngjae.

"B-but… Why don't you tell them to stop? Everything they say is so… wrong!" He raised his voice, he couldn't understand his smile, but it stayed on his lips, unbothered.

"I know that it's not true. So do my friends and my family,” his voice was calm and gentle, just as the younger one had always imagined it, “I don't care about anybody else. I don't care what some retarded guys or girls think about me." Youngjae thought about his words, looking into his almost black eyes before tearing his gaze away again.

"Now I feel like an idiot..." He murmured embarrassed and puffed up his cheeks a little.

"You're not an idiot. The others are. You believe in your ideals and defend others even if you don't know them. I think that this is  _ remarkable. _ " His comment slowly but surely pulled the younger back into his reality, into his normal life, and he finally understood that the quiet boy he had been watching for so long was finally talking to him.

"T-thank you," he stuttered out, his heart beginning to race, while the older smiled again and patted through his hair.

"I should thank you, because of me you’ll have a black eye tomorrow," he still was a little embarrassed, but he pointed with a firm look at the cooling pad in Youngjae's hand, which was resting in his lap.

"You should really put it on your eye."

"Ah! Y-yeah… Right" The younger did as he was told and smiled at him, when he noticed something.

"How did… How did you even know what happened?" His eyes widened for a short moment, Youngjae had apparently caught him staring and now he was probably thinking about the right way to put this - to save his ass. 

"I was just leaving when I saw you sitting on the floor in the hallway. I was confused and wanted to ask if everything is okay but you were gone too quickly… When I heard those idiots talking about you outside and making fun of you I went looking for you." He was amazed and looked at him, his words surprised him at first, but then he remembered the way he saw him - friendly, loving and attentive. The way he really was and not as everyone else speculated and suspected.

"W-why...? I mean, you don't even know me. In fact, you couldn't care less about how I feel."

"That's not how I am. I wanted to know if you were okay. I would miss it if you suddenly stopped looking at me just because those idiots said something stupid about me." First he nodded understanding until his words sank in and he looked at the boy next to him in horror.

"W- wait what?" His head turned bright red within seconds, and he suddenly felt incredibly hot, even though it was a cool summer evening.

"You caught my eye for a while now... I think i first noticed in the park. Oh, I think right here… Or maybe the bench over there- well, nevermind. What I’m trying to say is that you looked at me and you had such a warm smile on your lips… That's all I remember and then I saw you again and again." His hand rested on his neck, a mischievous smile formed on his lips while the younger just wanted to vanish into thin air.

"Was nice to meet you. I’m going to have a serious talk with my embarrassment," he said, his cheeks still hot as he stood up to escape this situation.

"Wait, I didn't mean it like that," the other also stood up smiling, holding the smaller one back by his wrist, making him turn towards him. Youngjae looked down at their hands, his touch made his whole body tingle before he dared to look into his eyes. His smile enchanted him and then he noticed him taking a step closer while raising his soft voice again.

"I was actually going to say... Well, I'd like it a bit better if you sat by me next time instead of across the library..."

"S-seriously...?" His eyes widened in amazement, he could have sworn he was dreaming but when he saw him nodding his head, a shy smile appeared on his face.

Since that evening, they no longer stared at each other from the distance, but they sat very close together, ignoring all glances and comments. 

What other people think doesn't matter, only what they think of each other counts. 

_ And just like that all that blasphemy, all those speculations ceased and we were taken by the world as who we really were, it took a while, it took a lot of steps back and forth, but it happened.  _

_ And that’s all that matters after all, right?  _

  
  


  
  



End file.
